I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
