If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
