I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize