I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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