the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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