remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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