And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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