Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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