My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
