No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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