I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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