I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Randomize
