can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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