I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
