A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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