Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
