dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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