i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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