so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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