Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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