he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
