We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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