You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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