I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
