everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
