It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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