Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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