the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
