whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize