Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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