the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you didnt know i had herpes?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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