im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
