does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
