I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
