That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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