Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize