I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
