Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
