So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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