1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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