need another drink. this is the easiest way
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
