I think i peed on brittanys purse
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
