How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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