Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
