How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize