You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
