you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
