would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize