my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
