I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
