HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
