Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
