nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize