I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
