she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
