So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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