The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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