I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
