Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm passing your future prison.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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