so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
