she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
