i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
