I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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