Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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