I just pynch a tree in the face
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
