I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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