I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I met the friendliest cop last night
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize